Have you ever had an ex or someone you really cared about at one point in your life announce they're engaged?
My serious college girlfriend recently got engaged to her boyfriend. The guy is cool and I'm still very good friends with her and am very glad to see her happy but there's still a weird sensation that came over me.
See, in some unrealistic scenario inside my head, somehow we'd get back together and things would all work out. Any previous problems that might have existed in our past relationship wouldn't exist anymore. We're older, wiser, we would know better. But now that possibility has evaporated into thin air.
Based on my recent relationships (including my own engagement), I wondered if I was even capable of letting that happen even if she had come back.
It makes me wonder... where the hell is my mind in the past few or more years? I've thrown away some potentially great relationships. It was pretty much my fault for letting that college relationship for falling apart. I've had my fair share of heartbreak and girls cheat on me or lie, but I've always been pretty much fine with it because I figured it would go south anyway.
So it makes me wonder. What will it take to make me feel like I did once? Am I so far gone from being that again, or does it just take that one person to turn it back around?
I think this is just the engagement stirring up all these feelings.
Otherwise I'm all fuckin' sunshine and puppy farts, folks.
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Sounds like somewhat of an Eternal Sunshine scenario. You know towards the end when Clem and Joel meet for a second time but then they receive the tapes in the mail and decide to give it another go even though they find out about their habits.
ReplyDelete"See, in some unrealistic scenario inside my head, somehow we'd get back together and things would all work out. "
Then again you were in college and we've all done some silly things. We're young and stupid in college , and like you said you're older and wiser now.
You just have to find the right chick man and it'll all work out from there.
Its my belief that every person is a possible path. Sometimes when you look at Ex's you see possibilities. What if you were better to her? or she to you? We all do this. I wish there were easy answers but there aren't. Maybe if you had a chance things would be different. Maybe not.
ReplyDeleteAs the kids say " I feel ya".
I went to the first i ever loved's wedding. Bk (we'll call her that) was awesome. And while she was filled with flaws- so was I. We did everything wrong when we were together. And it was lots of luck that we connected and are still connected till this day. Bk held a special place in my heart and the day she called to tell me she was getting married...well ..it sucked. But i went to the wedding and the trip there(Detroit)and back was pure torture (It was actually a nice wedding). But that day i had to come to terms that this path to me was closed.
We hold doors open to our past and thats not fair to other people, but mostly its not fair to us. How can we hold the person we are with NOW when one of our hands is holding the past?
We can't.
Have a drink. Talk about how great she is. how flawed she is. And wish her the best. And look forward.
Thats how i dealt with it. sometimes i look back. but mostly i try and look forward.
but back to the point. I feel ya. hang in there. it gets better.